Secret Elixir Will Quadruple Miles Per Gallon 

After almost 3 days of intensive experimenting I, George Wilkins,  have developed a secret elixir that you can pour into your fuel tank and it is guaranteed to quadruple your miles per gallon! 

Scientists at several major testing laboratories have verified the results.  Dr I. M. GonaGetcha of Folly University has independently tested this break-through concoction and stated that “this is a miracle development that should be used by all.”  He further explained that the elixir breaks down the molecules in diesel fuel and causes the atomic number to increase fourfold thus enabling the fuel to be consumed more slowly.  Five miles per gallon automatically becomes 30 MPG simply by adding one jar to your tank. 

Dr. R. U. Krazzee of Neanderthal College has also independently verified the results and explains that this fuel contains the secret ingredients contained in KY jelly which provides increased lubrication for pistons and causes them to slide in and out with significantly less friction than ordinary lubricants provide. (Please use this only for its intended purpose) 

Send Checks, Money Orders or Cash to Secret Fuel Elixir, PO Box 555, Kiddenme, Arizona 67091.  The cost is only $29.95 per bottle plus a small postage and handling charge ($18.95) and it will be shipped immediately.  This product is contained in a secure glass bottle to prevent leakage and has a medal clasp over the top.  It may look like a mason jar.   

Special Offer - For a limited time -  two additional jars will be forwarded to you at no charge,  Simply pay the postage and handling and they will be included in this offer.  Imagine not one, not two, but THREE jars that will increase your profits substantially. 

Guaranteed – If for some reason you do not get at least 35 MPG with this product simply mail the red seal from the jar to Red Herring, 35 Lost Road Avenue, Deadletter, Missouri 22222 and a complete refund will be sent to you. 

Thank You Truckers and know that America is looking out for you! 

Note – please excuse my poor humor, but I have trouble believing the claims that are made by some of these folks trying to help us.  Me thinks they are taking advantage of a bad situation.  Some of the politicians and economic experts are even making suggestions that they must have pulled from some dark recess.   

On the other hand, I think Dan Little and many others are working hard for us.  Senator Snowe, a Republican and Senator Brown, a Democrat have even proposed a law that will help.  To all that are struggling – hang in there.  Things will get better. 

Lose Your Job and Help the Economy 

I'm not an economist – heck I have trouble balancing the checkbook. But I was just reading this article on CNN and I think I will volunteer to help the rest of America out of this economic jam.    

Seems like that got it figured out.  Right now if I was to lose my job, I could only collect unemployment for 26 weeks, but those political folks are suggesting that it ought to be extended for another 26.  Heck, that's a year!   

These guys  - “Maurice Emsellem, policy co-director for the National Employment Law Project cited estimates that for every dollar spent on extended benefits, the economy would see a return of $2.15. Others, including Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody's Economy.com., estimate the return would be $1.64 in spending.” 

So, I could help the economy by losing my job, collecting benefits and not working!  Now that's some smart folks recommending that and I'm willing to take their advice.  Heck – I could probably get a little part-time thing going on the side and we'd be in better shape than if I worked.  I think my wife can help too!   

Wait a minute – let me read that again.  These smart guys say that every dollar they give to me will gain $2.15 for the economy and help other folks.   

Shoot, I'm volunteering folks. It will be tough, but I'm willing to help.  I'm only doing this for you so if you want to thank me you can send a check to me at PO Box 5555, Thanksalot, California 34455.   

You can read the article here if you are thinking of volunteering – hell, maybe the whole country should stop working and we'll all get rich.